I started yoga in January 2014. I wasn’t really good considering I am not very flexible but I didn’t go to yoga to become good at it, I started yoga to cope with anxiety and depression.
I went into class with no expectations (except I did have expectations), got on the mat and just did what I could and I really couldn’t do much. Handstands were out of the question, downward dog could only be held for maybe 4 breathes and not 10, and sometimes I just had to get into a child’s pose to recoup.
This is what I did until maybe three months in and realized I had a lot of stipulations on what I could and could not do. And then I tried. I tried to go five breathes in downward dog, get a good base for a handstand, decrease the number of child’s poses and still I wasn’t getting far.
Somehow, the mat became a playground for my life. I felt like even if I did try or decided to not try, the outcome was the same—me not really succeeding. So I huffed and I puffed, got frustrated and nothing changed.
And then I went to TJ’s 9pm class.
TJ was really good looking, like people would go to his class to just see TJ and make mistakes so he could come over and fix your pose. Mind you, I thought TJ was hot but he was really into handstands and as mentioned before, I could not do a handstand so I avoided his classes. But low and behold, I went to his class that night and I wasn’t really feeling “the yoga vibe”, if anything I was debating on going home.
I was tired and stressed but I got onto the mat and I set my intention —just breathe. And that’s what I did. Yes, I struggled and I really wasn’t that great but when the going got tough I just breathed through it and I forgot about my stipulations and my need to get better and just got really sweaty and concentrated on my next breathe. I surpassed all my shit and actually completed a whole yoga class without stopping.
And when we said the final namaste to each other, TJ looked up at me and smiled.
“You finally connected to your breathe and flowed,” TJ said. I laughed and realized how easy it was all along.