I only have about ten minutes till midnight. Ten minutes until the clock strokes and it will officially be November 12th, 2018. But I want to hold on to today and its lessons, its beauty and most of all its gateway to more understanding and more love.
So let’s do a bit of a recap—talk about this past year and its lessons and insights. A year ago today, I was utterly in unrequited love with this boy and my existence mimicked this. Every song became about him, every moment became something I could tie back to him. A year later…this love has pasted and has been seasoned with many lessons. One of them being that we are where we want to be. Are you struggling? Are you in pain? Are you in a place you don’t want to be in? Are you in second place? Well, you put yourself there and its exactly were you want to be. So elevate. Elevate your life to what you want because you can manifest it.
Another thing that has been brewing in my mind is my not so good escapist tendencies towards most things in my life. Which, I might add has a very warped and Alice the wonderland type of feeling which is cool for about a good ten years but then you wake up and realize you need to change. Mostly because I am haunted. Haunted by people I never met, chances, jobs, men that I didn’t kiss or date because I was too busy in love with this boy, things I didn’t want to do because they made me uncomfortable. You learn pretty quick that this dreamland ain’t so fun when it is ruling your life and truly no matter where you go, your troubles will find you because your troubles are within your mind. And sisters, I am sooooo ready for this pattern to end.
-making myself second best
-not making myself a priority
AND THINKING THAT IF I KEEP ON REPEATING THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER AGAIN, I WILL GARNER DIFFERENT RESULTS….insanity.
It is time to elevate.
I am in first place and I put myself there.
I am not escaping my problems anymore, I will face them and figure it the fuck out.
And most importantly, love for myself because I am number one in my life.
So make yourself the priority, let life flow through that.